|
HELPING SOMEONE Who Is Experiencing Domestic Violence
WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP:
Learn all you can about domestic violence. The Crisis Intervention Center (CIC) is a good place to start to gather facts about domestic violence. You will not be able to help an abused vicitm unless you are well informed. Advocates at the CIC can be an excellent source of information and support for both you and the person whom you are trying to help.
Lend a sympathetic ear. Let the person know that you care and are willing to listen. DON'T force the issue, but allow the victim to talk to you at their own pace. NEVER blame the victim for the abuse (that is what the abuser does) and don't underestimate their potential danger.
Give the victim the emotional support they need. The victim has probabby been emotionally abused and constantly told by their batterer that they are "ugly", and a bad spouse and/or parent. Focus on their strengths and abilities. Look at what the person has done to survive emotionally and physically. Without positive reinforcement from outside the home, the victim may begin to believe they can't do anything right and that there really is something wrong with them.
Encourage the victim to see the danger and tell them that they do not have to live that way. The abuser is responsible for the abuse. Let the person know that not everybody lives with abuse and that they are suffering physical and emotional harm. This is not to make the victim feel guiltier than they already feel. Express concern for their safety and give them information about places like the CIC where they can go for help. (have them complete the Danger Assessment Test on this website. DON'T try to rescue or save the victim by trying to get them out of the abusive relationship. The victim needs to learn to believe in their own abilities to find solutions.
WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSE:
- Frequent bruises or repeated physical injuries with poor or inconsistent explanation
- The person becomes unusually quiet or withdrawn from family, friends or activities they would normally enjoy
- Excessive privacy about their personal life and the person they are in a relationship with
- Wearing clothes that seem intended to cover injuries, dark glasses, hats, scarves, polo necks or long sleeves (especially in warm weather)
- Cutting off contacts with family and friends
- Being anxious or nervous when away from the abuser
- Rushing home after work or a social event, norvous or afraid to return home late
- Low self esteem
- Dropping our of activities they would normally enjoy
- Depression, over or under eating
- Problems sleeping, either sleeping too much or un-able to sleep
*None of these signs mean that a partner is defintely being abusive, but if you notice several of these signs, you should be concerned.
Help the vitimc make a safety plan. Encourage the victim to think through precautions they should take for themselves and their children if their partner becomes violent. The victim can:
- Make a list of people whom they can call in case of an emergency.
- Arrange with a friend, neighbor or family member a certain signal with their phone, light or blinds in the front of the house that they need HELP!
- They may want to hide a bag with a few clothes, money, keys, ID, documents for them and their children so they can leave quickly if in an emergency.
- Have a phone plugged into a wall socket of the home. Even if they do not have phone service it will still dial 911 in an emergency.
- If the victim must leave, they should take the children with them; this will help in later custody decisions.
LEAVING THE RELATIONSHIP IS THE MOST DANGEROUS TIME!
If they dicide to leave, contact the local domestic violence hotline or Crisis Intervention Center (800-359-0056).
Vitims of abuse often face extreme physical danger when attempting to leave their abusive partner. Current statistics estimate that 75% of victims are seriously injured or killed after they are in the process, or have left their abusive partner. Advocates strongly advise that you use caution when offering and providing safety to the victim and their children in your own home. you should call the hotline and speak to an advocate about the best way to handle leaving and abusive relationship.
Be there for the victim when they need you, BUT don't offer or promise the victim things unless you are certain you can follow through with your promise. The victim needs people in their life who is consistent and dependable and non-judgemental. Think carefully about what you are willing and able to give the victim before you tell them...
"Call me any time" or "You and the kids can come stay with me as LONG and you like."
If you hear or see an abusive incident occurring, call 911 immediately! Calling the police does not always mean the abuser will be put in jail, but is the most effective way to keep the victim and their children from immediate danger.
Consider volunteering for the local domestic violence center. There are a number of ways you can help. For more information, please contact the Crisis Intervention Center in your area. (479) 782-1821 for Fort Smith, Arkansas and surrounding areas. 24 hour Hotline 800-359-0056.
|
